


Different Kind of Queen

by Queen_Kit



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: AU of an AU of an AU, Alternate Universe, F/M, GFY, Gen, Humor, M/M, Minor Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Minor Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Sith Obi-Wan, dimension hopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 14:46:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5669788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Kit/pseuds/Queen_Kit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sithly Obi-Wan takes out his frustrations by telling Anakin something he didn't need to hear about another world</p>
            </blockquote>





	Different Kind of Queen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flamethrower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flamethrower/gifts), [norcumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/norcumi/gifts), [dogmatix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogmatix/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Knock On Effect](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2020254) by [dogmatix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogmatix/pseuds/dogmatix), [norcumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/norcumi/pseuds/norcumi). 



> Thank you all for letting me play with a version of Venge and the dimension hopping things in my own sandbox.  
> \----
> 
> My knowledge of Star Wars Canon for pretty much all of it is a bit vague. I read more fanon than any canon. So warning that things are probably pretty OOC in some ways, however this is an AU of an AU of an AU of an AU or something like that and Humor tends to be my line with writing so I’m hoping it works out for the best.
> 
> Titled for the line that stemmed everything. Rated Mature mostly to be safe, also warning I have no beta.

If he were to keep a written list of his regrets this little force be damned trip through dimensions unknown would certainly have made the list at least once.  When he first stumbled onto a dimension more drastically different from his own he had considered it a blessing.  After meeting that world's Yoda in a seedy little strip joint and nearly eating spice laced cookies, he had decided that he preferred the somewhat predictable worlds better.

The world he had just departed had not exactly been his cup of tea; wrangling killer Sith lords was much preferable to trying to salvage a comedy club that called itself a Jedi order.  Even had he not already been consumed with the rage of fire, that farce of an order would have been infuriating.  A Jedi comedy club and the Sith as pathetic critics trying to get them shut down.  Blowing up the Sith publishing offices hadn’t really been enough to satisfy his rage, but it had been better to try and get home rather than kill them all… or so he had thought at the time.

Now that he was in this new reality, still not home, he was rather annoyed with himself that he hadn’t.  He would have at least had a feeling of accomplishment to offset the feeling of his bond with Qui-Gon stretching off across an impossible distance.  He took a deep breath, once again consigning his rage to an existence behind tightly locked shields.  It would be better not to draw the Jedi order onto his head, assuming they were a Jedi order that hadn’t gone six different degrees of insane like the last few.

Thankfully, looking around the tranquil serenity of someone else's Naboo he could be fairly certain that this world would be more predictable.  He would perhaps have been grateful if he had been able to feel much anything around the burning rage of fire.  He had been traveling a month past the day it should have been gone and it still burned.  The force must be laughing at him, keeping him suspended in this state indefinitely, probably unable to be free from it until he returned to his own world.  He snarled, beginning a run around the lake that he hoped would help him contain his rage.

One crashed Skywalker-Naberrie wedding and a convention of the entire Jedi Council, all of whom had been on site for a beloved Padawan’s wedding in the midst of a horrific galactic war, and Venge was no longer certain or vaguely hopeful.  There was a vein ticking at his temple from having to deal with a Jedi Council who faced a collapsing world while denying that anything evil could come of darkness _despite the fact_ that they also denied that part of themselves as bad.  Trying to understand that gave him one hell of a headache so he had given the matter up as a bad job.

He should have been more suspicious to show up outside the Naboo generators.  That was never a good sign.  The force was most certainly laughing at him now, mocking him.  How the hell was he supposed to solve anything when shit had already hit the fan?  The republic was crumbling as Anakin wed and the Jedi wouldn’t even listen to their star pupil that this particular brand of dark was bad and needed to be stopped.

"Teach me."

Venge’s mental tirade was interrupted by someone who obviously had no sense of self preservation. Only one person that could be, he turned glaring at the offending being – Anakin Skywalker.

"Teach me." Sky walker repeated, unfazed by the malicious look in Venge’s golden eyes.

"Teach you what?"  The glare didn’t waver as he finally responded, his quiet voice barely holding back the screaming rage that begged to simply destroy.

"You know what." Anakin huffed.  The young man was as single mindedly devoted to his task as Venge had ever known his to be, but there was still something innocent in him, something he was certain the war had already taken from the Anakin of his world at that age.

"You broke down master Yoda's poker face in less than six words.  You bested _Master Obi-Wan_ in three! And-” Anakin was pacing back and forth in front of Venge unable to contain his excitement.  Honestly Venge worried about a world at war where a Jedi would continually turn his back on a Sith without fear.  “-left them asking for _mercy_.”

The young man finally turned to face Venge again. “You bested two of the orders Master Debaters in a session lasting only 20 minutes.”  Wide eyed admiration was getting to be a little unnerving and still no fear of a Sith at all, “and I heard 15 of that was just because you were trying to be polite and didn't realize how long Master Yoda takes to reach his climatic argument."

"And?"  Venge found himself more annoyed than anything by the in the young man’s statements.  The problem being there was nowhere to release the fire’s rage and all of his darkness without getting a shit ton of Jedi that he didn't need to kill down on his head.  So he was forced to stand there and _listen_ to the boy because if he moved something was exploding.

"Teach me how you do it. Teach me how you shock them and make them LISTEN." Anakin begged. 

"I'm not sure my methods would work for you." He answered drily.  He was pretty sure there was more water on tattooine than probability of the kid getting anywhere with his methods,

"Can't you try!" And there came the typical Skwalker dramatics, it was more annoying than usual.

"Killed Sith Master Seven Times."  Venge interjected without preamble, smirking as Anakin choked.  "That shut your Yoda up nicely."

"And Obi-wan..?" the boy was still trying, hesitant though his questioning tone might be.

"Shut up stupid." Venge counted the words off on his fingers and then paused before adding.  "And are you sure storming out is winning? Because that, Padawan Skwalker, is how that meeting ended."

"It is to them." There was a pause before the young man dropped to the ground with an exaggerated sigh.  "You're right 'though that wouldn't work for me."

Dramatic dramatic dramatic....

Venge snorted "In another life you would have been married to an entirely _different_ kind of Queen." The statement was ended with a pointed smirk.

"What?" Anakin couldn't help the startled squeak that slipped past his guard. His head rapidly turning to look back at the Sith that stood over him.

Venge’s smirk widened as he opened his mouth to clarify.

“Oh force…” The look on Anakin’s face was priceless.  Well he had asked for it, although he would probably come to really regret that question.

"Perhaps I'll let you in on my little secret." Venge said softly.  There was a predatory look in his eyes as he sat down on the ground by the painfully innocent Skywalker.

"I've been using the force to travel to many different dimensions.  And the _only_ way to get though to Jedi,” A hint of the rage he was suppressing slipped into his voice on that last word, “is with shock tactics.”

"So wait. That was just something you said to shock me right?" Anakin looked at him with desperation, "Just proving your point,” Now that was priceless right there, the begging, “Right?"

Venge’s smirk was downright predatory as he looked at the boy.  Perhaps this was the solution to his problem, a way to expel some of his darkness without being pounced on by a dozen angry Jedi masters. It was so easy to take things out on the hapless boy like this...

“Oh, no.” He saw surprised to hear himself chuckling darkly, “That one... That was entirely real.  I remember it so clearly now…”

And he did.  Oh he relished the look on Anakin’s face as he allowed the memory’s to come to the fore and he told the boy all about that particular dimension.  Opening his eyes to find himself in the Naboo vessel only to see Obi-Wan Kenobi standing in front of a mirror dressed in one of Senator Amidala’s finest dresses.  It was something new to add to the rapidly growing list of things he had never needed to know existed in the universe.

He had quickly discovered two things: The first being that his other self preferred to go by Mina Lars, short for Benjamina; the second… that _Mina_ had a drastically different relationship with his world’s Anakin.  It had been quite bizarre to be held at lightsaber point by a naked Anakin for being a threat to his beloved Mina.  It had been worse to be next door when they retired for the evening and decided to get frisky quite loudly.

Honestly that had been the worst part of that world, even counting their version of the Sith and the fact that it’s Obi-Wan was a Drag Queen.  Mina had been quite happy to explain everything once he was certain that his golden eyed brother wasn’t going to kill them.  He was a drag queen married to Anakin Skywalker, the hero without fear, and happy to be called by his own name while not in drag.  Given his popularity at his job however Mina had often been in drag.

Venge related the whole episode with near clinical exactness down to the exclamations he had heard shouted by that world’s Anakin as Mina had apparently “ridden him like the dirty whore he was.”

The look of utter disgust at everything that occurred was absolutely hilarious when it wasn't he own.  It was nearly enough to break through fire’s rage entirely for one short sweet second.

“Me and Obi-Wan!?”  Anakin shrieked, looking as if he was ready to throw up.

Venge only shrugged.  He had seen worse things in his travels.  The perversions of Yoda were far worse than his alternate having sex in a dress with Anakin Skywalker.

“But, but,”

One eyebrow raised over an amused golden eye, “Mm?”

“But he's my _brother!_ ” Anakin finally managed to spit it out.  The detail that was making him feel the most sick.  Honestly that had gotten to Venge some as well, but he was learning to distance his own relationships from those in other worlds.  Usually.

“ _Step-_ brother.” Venge corrected absently.

“Are you really going to argue semantics at a time like this?!” Oh Venge got such perverse delight watching Anakin’s distress.  “That is, he was-”

“Yes?” Venge prodded, becoming impatient with the boy’s fumbling for words.

“Cradle robbing Jedi master....”  Anakin mumbled disgustedly.

“Cabaret performer actually.” Venge corrected the boy once again, not that it really made any difference, and then he continued to throw salt into the wound. “Excellent dancer, better in private or so _you_ said.”

“Ugh!” Anakin squeezed his eyes shut trying to shut out the barrage of unwanted mental images. “Oh god.  Not me, not me, not me.”

Venge smirked, the whole thing was more satisfying than he would have guessed.

Anakin opened his eyes again, looking in horror at Venge.  “Sith damn it if this is what the dark side does to a man I want no part in it.”

_Wait.  What?_

“If the dark side turns you into someone who can gleefully talk about this sort of sickness then Palpatine can have it.”

Fucking, fucking, _fuck be damned force_.  That was all the world needed from him here to succeed.  It achieved dismissal of a _centuries old prophesy_ when a ridiculous Skywalker denied the dark side because of his irritated little storyteller moment.  Fuck you force, he gathered the energy to himself, this next jump had better damn well be the one home.

**Author's Note:**

> Final note: Fuck me I am horrible and everything is crack


End file.
